Walk On Roles
by Shieldage
Summary: Hundred Word Stories from from a Buffy-meets-Marvel world.


BtVS by Whedon and Mutant Enemy. Marvel U by parent company and its writers/artists.

* * *

_Note: The following assumes that, because the X-men are televised heroes, Gambit and Rogue's relationship has made its way into a huge and surprisingly well fact-checked rumor mill. It also assumes that Gambit's *somehow* able to recognize Spike as a vampire and, when annoyed, take action accordingly. I like this, but it probably falls somewhat short on story logic ;)_

* * *

**A Fan**

Spike was in New Orleans when Gambit, _the _Gambit, brushed past him in an alleyway.

Spike froze in place. He'd been a huge fan of the X-Men for years.

_Oh, my God_, he thought. _I can not geek out. I have a reputation to uphold._

##

_Saying nothing, though? That I'll regret._

##

"You know, my Slayer, she nearly caused an Apocalypse when she shagged the soul out of her boytoy. Guess your girl could easily do that to you, eh? Except you wouldn't even be awake to enjoy it."

A charged card later, there was one less vampire in the world.

* * *

**The Beast Within**

Hank McCoy, Beast, hung limply from his chains, exhausted from repeated beatings. Dark Beast, his evil Age of Apocalypse counterpart, had been holding him captive for weeks, secretly taking his spot among the X-Men.

Seeing that he had company, Hank rose firmly to his feet and glared.

Dark Beast chortled. "I'd like to introduce my new assistant, Drusilla."

The black-haired woman stalked into the room.

"Please, miss. You really must run. He's quite mad." Hank winced, sharp nails sinking into his fur.

"Much less than you'll be when we're through with you." Her mouth grew fangs. "_That_ can be assured."

* * *

**That Went Well**

Faith was having a pitched fight when a taxi cab burst into the alleyway, knocking the towering, furry demon off it's feet.

Finishing off the monster with a smooth flourish, she turned to thank her rescuer who, surprisingly, was a three foot tall white duck.

"So, I take it you're new to Cleveland," he said, stepping back to open his cab's door. "Mind if I show you a few sights?"

She climbed in. "You move fast, for a duck."

"The name's Howard and if you want to talk about fast, you should see me in action. I know Quak Fu."

* * *

**Better than Expected**

After a week getting to know him and randomly meeting his ex-girlfriend, Faith invited Howard up to her hotel room.

After several bouts of... pleasant activity... Faith fell asleep, curled up in a warm ball.

Howard's yelling woke her up. "And that's what I think of your offer!" He slammed down the telephone. "Sheesh! What a pervert. Room service, my ass!"

"What happened?"

He blushed under his feathers. "I asked for more condoms. He wanted to know if they were going on my bill."

"Huh."

##

The note with the full complimentary breakfast read: _Apologies to the Slayer, I couldn't resist._

* * *

**Slayer-Tech**

Giles shook the billionaire's hand. "Mister Stark, we're here because someone's turning into a dragon and launching raids. We've no luck determining his civilian identity as he keeps flying away."

"Suit with jets? Usual package." Tony brought out some papers. "Several options for payment. Most favored is that we get to tape the battle and turn it into a commercial, coup our costs that way."

"Nice."

"Here's our prototype."

Buffy sighed and held her head. She was sure Tony meant well. The red and silver did match the Scythe's color scheme, but the purple chrome really was a bit much.

* * *

**Matri-Moni**

Tony Stark addressed the eager crowd: "I'm sorry this announcement isn't as controversial as the last one, but this renowned playboy has agreed that as Pepper Potts is the best thing in my life right now, we're going to get married. Any questions? Yes, you in the back."

"Are you aware that everyone's going to be calling your relationship Pepperoni?"

"Yes... I do realize that. I expect that I'll be investing in a number of pizza companies for my children's future."

##

"Honey, I'm home," he said that night, only to receive a slap in the face from his fuming fiancée.


End file.
